So for week 2 of this challenge, the topic is spouse/relationship. So I’ve been thinking and going over in my head what exactly I want to say about my marriage. I tend to try to keep my marriage pretty private both on here and the internet in general and in my real live off the computer. I just feel that if I’m having a problem in my marriage it should stay between him and me for the most part. Then I’m just not one of those mushy romantics. I’m not going to be on Facebook like oh my husband is the greatest most perfect man in the world, blah,blah blah. It’s just not me.
Our marriage has been quite the roller coaster over the 10.5 years we’ve been married. We got married so young me 19 and him barely 22 that I think we just had to try to figure things out as we went along. We wanted children so we tried right away. It took two years of trying and a miscarriage before Isabella. That was hard on our marriage struggling to get pregnant and not knowing if or when it will happen is tough. The other downside to being married so long is that we were financially stupid and couldn’t afford to keep living on our own so we lived with my parents for awhile, which was great because our daughter was a hard newborn with colic so having extra hands was a blessing. Then we lived with different family members as roommates for the next two years.
Our wedding 2004
As new parents in 2006
Those years were hard years on our marriage, I don’t think living with people is ideal in a marriage, plus struggling with money. I also felt like even though I loved him and wanted to stay married, it was more that I wanted to stay a family. I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it forever at that point. Then my entire life changed forever. I almost died and it saved my marriage.
I had a stroke on February 2, 2010, and it changed everything. First of all, he stayed. So many people can’t handle a huge medical crisis in their marriage and it destroys a lot of marriages. Ours was shaky at best and he was 27 with a 3-year-old and a wife in the hospital who might be permanently disabled but he stayed.
We had to lean into each other, which I had never been good at. I wanted to be independent and I had to start being dependent on someone and I wanted it to be him. I never could let myself do that before. I was sure he would do it wrong so I would just do it myself. Well, suddenly I couldn’t walk or take care of anything so I had to learn trust. When I was no longer able to do it all and not need him and suddenly I needed him for basic things like helping me put on shoes. He learned that he couldn’t take me for granted because life is fragile and you can lose someone at any time. We learned together how to fight to get me healthy, I had to start trust that he could man up and do things and he had to learn that he was capable of manning up and doing things.
Since then we’ve grown a lot and grown stronger than before. It’s not the way I would have chosen to work on my marriage but at least something good came out of a horrific experience. We both got to grow up a lot and become better adults so we could make our marriage work. It’s not perfect but I don’t expect anything to be perfect. It’s better and it feels made to last now. If we’ve made through all this and this far. I don’t think anything is going to stop us now and through it all, I saved my marriage and have been able to keep building on what we learned.