Day 5- a lesson learned

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I’m going personal and opening up today. Money can be stressful and I learned this the hard way. After my stroke happened the doctors ran every test possible on me. The first thought was that taking birth control was the cause but that was unlikely because usually birth control that is high in estrogen causes strokes and mine was very low. Also birth control strokes usually happen to women over 35 who smoke. I was 25 and had never smoked. With nothing else to blame it on birth control was it. Two years ago I went to specialists to find out if I could ever have another child or if the hormones of pregnancy would be a problem. They ran a billion more tests. I think at this point there is nothing left to test and now it is determined that birth control is not the cause. According to medical reasons there is no official cause I am just a one in a million case. This is not my belief. I have my own opinion on what caused my stroke and I’m going to share with you my story.

My husband and I were living with my parents while trying to save up the money to move to our own place. We both had jobs but not great paying ones and couldn’t afford to move out. My parents were tired of us living there and it was not a good situation. We were trying to find a way for us to make more money and decided that if we moved closer to my husband’s job and I got a job out there too we would save on gas and hopefully I could make more money. The problem was we found a great apartment right where we wanted to live before we were making the money. I was in charge of money and bills and I knew that we were making a mistake but it was the perfect place and I was so sure we could make it work. I ignored that little voice in the back of my head that said don’t do this you are making a big mistake. So I told no one, not even my husband that in reality we were moving into a p lace we really couldn’t afford. I just kept trying to find a second job and looking up ways to cut our monthly expenses. Then as move in day approached it became too late. I couldn’t fess up now. Admit to my husband that we couldn’t do this. Tell my parents we wouldn’t be moving out after all. I felt like a failure and who knows maybe it would work out. We will never know.

We moved in February 1, 2010 and sometime during the night I had a stroke. I just can’t believe the two aren’t connected.  So in the end we never lived in the apartment I just had to move into. We had to continue living with my parents because I needed help with recovery. I also stopped working all together and went on disability. I’ve told my doctors this and they agree that there is a good chance the stress I was under could be the cause but not enough testing has been done on stress and strokes for them to be willing to say for sure. I do wish I could go back in time and tell myself to just be honest and trust that people in my life would love me and be there for me. It could have saved me and my family a lot of pain and trauma. I just couldn’t bring myself to be open and honest about the financial hole I had got myself into and was ashamed of myself.

So trust me when I say I understand money worries and stresses. I’m still learning how to handle our finances and money but we are in a much better place now than we were a few years ago. As I continue to learn and grow I hope to be able to share that information with you. I also hope to learn from you guys and what you’ve been through in your lives.