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So a day late on Day 6 of the #feelgoodblogging challenge. This is all about vulnerability. It took me some time and some thinking to figure put what I wanted to post about for this post. This is a very personal post and I hope you all will be there for me as I bare my soul and share these words.
I feel very vulnerable having a disability. I went 25 years without one and have spent the last 4.5 years trying to adjust to a new way of life and the changes in my body, my mind and my relationships with other people. If you don’t know I suffered a stroke in February 2010. It came out of nowhere and after years of trying to figure out the cause, it’s been determined that it was just a freak thing that has no reason or cause. I’m lucky because I was only 25 when it happened so my body recovered to about 80% or so of what it was before. I have trouble with my left leg and not as much function in my left hand and arm. I also am on medication for seizures for life. I suffer from depression and anxiety due to the brain damage but meds and therapy help control those. I’m lucky though because according to my doctor the amount of brain damage caused would have either killed or put someone in a home for people with disabilities if I had been older.
The problem and what makes me feel vulnerable is the misunderstanding of people with strokes. I read articles about celebrities who have had strokes or seizures and people always assume it’s caused by drug use which makes me worry that people wonder if that was the cause of my stroke which it wasn’t. I’ve never done drugs ever.
I also have worked really hard to get my recovery to this point and have had people question how hard I’ve worked because I’m not 100%. It infuriates me because so few people have had strokes in their 20’s so they assume this just on the fact that want me better than I am and not on any real facts or proof that I could be better.
My sister and I have always had a difficult relationship. We butt heads a lot and are very different people. She told me I wasn’t as good of a mom since the stroke and although she’s apologized and I’ve talked with my therapist about it. I still always have her words in the back of my mind. That I’m failing my daughter as a mother because I had this happened to me.
So there is me being vulnerable and why I work so hard to make this blog a positive and inspiring place because I’m constantly trying to combat these negative thoughts and emotions I’m dealing with.