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I’ve been reading a lot of self-help type books lately and most recently am reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown who I adore. I feel like she writes about so many topics that I have thought about and had discussions about throughout my life.
It’s weird feeling so connected to someone whom I’ve never met but who I feel really shares my interests and passions. She also seems to really get me or I get her because I find myself agreeing with so much of what she writes and her words.
In her book, I’m reading now she is talking about the idea of setting boundaries, what it is and why it’s so important to set boundaries in your own life. I think setting boundaries can be life changing. It really makes you appreciate and see your own worth and value. Which is so important to a happy life.
I think that taking care of yourself is so unbelievably important and is something that too often gets neglected. Especially by women, mothers, and entrepreneurs. I know a lot of us are all three so we need to learn to take care of ourselves even more than the average person.
This week we are starting by talking about setting boundaries. I know many of you probably have a hard time saying no and setting boundaries for yourself. If you are going to learn to take care of yourself you are going to have to start being a priority and that includes knowing why setting boundaries is so important.
Setting boundaries with family
I first learned the importance of boundaries when I was first married and when my daughter was an infant. I have always set boundaries about what is and isn’t allowed around her based on her age at the time. My husband and I discussed what rules we wanted in place as far as family visits so that we could be on the same page.
Then as she’s gotten older we’ve had to adjust and set new boundaries for each new stage of growing up comes with its own unique challenges. I imagine that as she continues to grow up this will continue to be true. Also as our family expands and changes we will need to discover what new boundaries to have in place in order to keep us happy and functioning.
For our family, a big part of our boundaries was determining how we wanted to parent and what level of involvement our own families would have in our new little family. Developing a new family with two people who grew up with their own families who more than likely did things differently can be quite a challenge in a marriage. This is where figuring out and setting boundaries becomes so important.
For my marriage, my husband and I had to decide which parts of our own upbringings we didn’t want to replicate. What things we wanted to do the same and how much our families get to be a part of our daily lives. We had to have lots of conversations about this and it’s not something you just go into a marriage knowing how to do.
This is not me saying that your family or my family is not important. Of course, our families are important. It’s a matter of setting up boundaries or guidelines with our families so we don’t feel taken advantage of or resentful. I know too many people who get mad because a parent or sibling chronically takes advantage of them. Just expects too much but when I’ve asked if they’ve ever said anything or set up any boundaries the answer is almost always no.
Why setting boundaries is so important for your family
Well, your family isn’t any more of a mind reader than you are. If you don’t want to give rides or go somewhere or help with something then speak up. Yes, it might cause some conflict and be uncomfortable but another option is you continue to quietly be upset for decades? That hardly seems like a better option.
Also by setting boundaries with your family you are putting your marriage and relationship with your spouse first. This isn’t always easy to do but it’s important. It also sets a good example for your children of what healthy relationships in families look like. If they see you arguing a lot or being walked over they will think it’s normal.
Setting boundaries in your work life
Boundaries aren’t just for your personal life either. I think it’s so important to set boundaries in your professional life. In all areas of your life. By not setting boundaries you aren’t making yourself a priority and setting your worth. If you let an area of your life overwhelm and control you. Such as working nonstop or to the point of becoming ill or miserable than you aren’t treating yourself well. Then other people and areas of your life think it’s alright to treat you that way.
It’s not alright.You are important and deserve better. It’s not going to be easy but you need to learn to set aside time for yourself. To give your body and mind time to relax and recuperate. Trust me people will learn to deal with you not doing everything. Even if you are the boss that doesn’t mean you are not deserving of a break now and again.
I know it’s not going to be easy at first. You will have to find people you trust and teach them how to do things correctly. Learning to set boundaries in your work life will make you more successful in the long run. I think it’s important for you to start thinking about this because it’s so important.
It’s so important to me that you understand that your time and life are so valuable. You deserve to be happy and live a fulfilling life and you can. That is why setting boundaries is so important. It allows you to know that you are using your time to it’s fullest.