Today is one week into the blog everyday in May challenge and so far it’s been good. I like doing it and I’m sure I’m going to finish out the month.
Today is about what I’m afraid of. I think there are different levels to fear. At the most basic level I would say I am afraid of spiders, always have been and I’m sure I always will be. I also am afraid of needles. The thing about these fears is that I can ignore them and they don’t keep me up at night. They are things that when I’m confronted with at the moment my instinct is to run away.
If I go deeper though and really think about what scares me, what keeps me awake at night those are my true fears. Above all else it is something happening to my daughter. Her getting cancer, being abused, dying. Things I can’t stop or do much to prevent. I literally get sick with worry at times about something bad happening to her. I can handle bad things happening to me, I don’t want them to but I would rather be hurt myself then watch her go through it.
I worry about people I love dying. I always use to think about someone coming into my classroom when I was younger and telling me my parents had died. I don’t know why but it was something I worried about and played out in my head a lot. I still worry about losing people that I care about. I worry about losing my husband, my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews. Whenever a tragedy happens in the world I wonder what if that was was my family. These are my real fears.